My mind feels like a cotton candy machine. It’s going in circles, and as it spins, it collects more to-dos, deadlines, and random thoughts swirling inside it. My brain starts to feel sticky. Then I open my eyes and wake up. My alarm clock says it's a couple hours before my feet need to hit the ground running, but my heart and my head are wide awake. And my stomach feels like I just ate too much of that airy, sugary, nothing-healthy-in-it, cone of pink messiness. Sigh. There are many morning - most mornings - that I am excited Continue Reading
Twisted Tights and Lenten Prayers
One of my favorite posts from a few years ago. May it speak to your heart during this Lenten season. I was out of sorts. Uncomfortable. Self-conscious. I was 13 years old, standing on the stage in a college auditorium under hot lights, along with eight other 4-H’ers from northern Minnesota. We were competing in a Good Grooming Contest. Yes, you read that correctly. A Good Grooming Contest. {Good grief. As if it’s not awkward enough to just be 13 years old.} Representing the Lucky Leaf 4-H Club (which I loved, by the way), Continue Reading
Rest. Take a Break.
I’m starting a new workout program. Have mercy. It involves a lot of fancy steps and it moves faaaaast. I spend most of the time trying to stay on my feet, watch the online trainer, listen to the instructions, and breathe. There is nothing pretty about my performance. The program only lasts 20 minutes, but I’m exhausted when it’s done. All I want to do is cry. It’s hard to find the rhythm when the exercises change so fast, and the online coach Just. Keeps. Talking. (I know he’s trying to motivate us, but oh my word. His incessant Continue Reading
When Life Gets Messy
Easy. Carefree. I think about those words and in my mind I see a sandy beach with gentle waves lapping, a cool breeze that doesn’t mess up my hair, bright sunshine that warms my skin, and a good book with a happy ending. Yup. I sure could be content there. If only life was one big sunny beach. Real life happens and sometimes my hair gets mussed and my skin sunburns and there’s not a happy ending in the book. There are moments when I think, “This isn’t what I signed up for.” My sisters and I take turns staying with our mom. Continue Reading
Something Wonderful is About to Happen
I’m always surprised when I don’t die when I’m exercising. Especially when it involves burpees. I don’t like burpees, and I don’t believe our bodies were meant to do them. My morning exercise time is only 30-40 minutes, but the way I carry on, you’d think that I’d been at it for 37 hours with no break. (And I can’t begin to count the number of times that I flop to the floor, and dramatically whisper through parched lips as if it’s my last breath, I caaaaan’t!) I have forgotten … Exercising is a temporary event. For 40 minutes I Continue Reading
Putting Life Together Again
Who on earth thought this was a great little jingle to read to children? Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the king’s horses and all the king’s men, Couldn’t put Humpty together again. Really. It’s not cute. It’s scary. {I also have a problem with Little Jack Horner who sat in a corner intending to eat a whole pie. He stuck in his thumb and pulled out a plum and decided that eating a pie with his fingers made him a good boy. Good grief.} But back to Humpty Dumpty… We usually imagine Humpty Continue Reading
My Finguh Hurts … Bring Grace
He was a cute little guy with curly red hair wearing a flannel shirt and little-boy jeans. He lay face down on the bottom platform of the Target cart, dragging his chubby hands along on the floor, singing a song he was making up in the moment as his mom moved through the produce section. All was well with his world. Until ... One of those cute little fingers got pinched under the wheel of the cart. Then all was not well with his world. He rolled off the bottom of the cart, jumped onto his feet, lifted his finger into the air Continue Reading
If Only…
Oh, if only… Sigh. There were those moments. Moments when I didn’t say words that were kind. Moments when I was more concerned with what others might think about my opinion, than with what needed to be said. Moments that would have welcomed a Do-Over. If only… …I had asked myself if my words were loving before they left my mouth. …I had chosen to be inclusive rather than exclusive. …I had considered the other person’s heart instead of my own insecurities. The moments that can so quickly strangle my peace were not “big Continue Reading
Breathing Deeply
Oh, the plans! The goals! The lists! The git-er-done before the sun comes up focus! Nothing can stop me! And then … OVERWHELM. The word itself creates a feeling, doesn’t it? Especially the “whelm” part. I feel my arms filled with large, heavy, grey rocks that weigh me down from the muscles in my neck, through my back, and into my calves. They’re boulders, actually. More weight than I can realistically carry. I keep trying to move them to … someplace … and I don’t consider that perhaps I could take just one at a time. Too many Continue Reading
The Season of White Legs
It’s that season… The one that comes every year when the snow is gone in Minnesota. The Season of White Legs. I haven’t gotten around to creating a bucket list yet. But if I had one, you can bet “tan legs” would be on mine. Every year I hope…wish…dream…and wonder if a miracle will surprise me and pigment will show up in my legs. Hasn’t happened in a real long time. Even when a farmer’s tan appears on my arms and face… My legs stay white. Pure white. Not even egg shell white. White legs are a constant in my Continue Reading
The Anchor Holds
The day started out pretty well. My Bible and prayer time in the morning was encouraging and meaningful. My exercising got done and I felt the results (ooftah). And then when I got into the day, I started … roaming. Wandering around the house. Up and down, room to room, opening and closing the fridge door, flipping through books, scrolling through my phone. There was work to be done, but my mind would not get focused. My thoughts felt like the little steel ball that flies around a pinball machine, hitting, bouncing, not sure where Continue Reading
Time for Something New?
On most days, it’s just a simple pair of workout leggings. You know. The spandex kind that I should never ever ever wear in public with a short top. The kind that holds everything in tight and you actually feel like there is no more fat to jiggle. That kind of simple leggings. But last Tuesday morning, those leggings became a little more than that. They were a statement to myself. You’ve probably heard that we’ve had a verrrrryy long winter here in Minnesota. And as I write this little note in mid-April, we’re waiting for another Continue Reading
When Life is Too Much
So. You know those moments when you look around you and wonder, “I didn’t think my life would look like this?” Those moments matter. Why? Because they offer the opportunity to realize you have strength you didn’t know you had. That “good” and joy and fulfillment can co-exist with messy. And God always shows up. My sisters and I are very grateful that we can work out our schedules so we can take turns staying with our mom. Her not-very- serious-yet dementia challenges still require us to be with her 24/7. And every once in a Continue Reading
Live Your Story Well
Wouldn’t it be cool if we each had a ghostwriter writing our life story? If all we had to do was wake up and follow the script that was written for us? The ideal day script filled with only happy scenes that tells us exactly what to do, where to go, what to wear, how to act, what to eat, who to see… you get the picture, right? But, nope. We write our own stories. We are the playwright, producer, stagehand, director, costume designer, and lead character in the story we write each day. (I think “costume designer” is the role that Continue Reading
Teardrops
Teardrops show up in different ways. Sometimes… They flow silently and gently down our cheeks and we’re unable to keep them behind our lids. They trickle without warning, letting us know that something is stirring within our spirit or soul. We can brush them away as easily as they slide. Sometimes... They mix with our mascara on the colored pillowcase. Too tired to remove our make-up, not caring about the stains we know we’ll have to wash out when things are calmer. Nobody sees these tears, do they? We muffle our cries Continue Reading
Cheerlessness Is Not Invited
And, although the way be cheerless, We will follow, calm and fearless. Really? Is this what I want my faith walk to look like? Cheerless? I don’t think so. I mean, that is just downright…sad. Those two lines from a hymn written in the 1700’s bug me. Can living a life of faith be hard? Yes. Can there be days of discouragement? Yes. But cheerless? No. Cheerless seems so hopeless. Despondent. Grumpy. I imagine people wearing grey clothes, heavy boots, plodding down a grey sidewalk on a grey day, with no smiles. No Continue Reading
Everybody Has a Secret
It was a birthday to remember. Celebrating all seven of my years on this earth, we drove to Fargo, ND to be on the Captain Jim show on KXJB TV. My sisters and I and a few girlfriends giggled and fussed and tried not to wrinkle our dresses as we drove the 52 miles to meet the man who was captain of the plywood ship, the Sink Knot. A regular part of the show was for Captain Jim to interview birthday boys and girls from the “ship.” I remember how excited it was to be on TV. When it was my turn as the birthday girl, he asked me about my Continue Reading
Do What It Says
There are times when I read something in the Bible and it’s as if the statement begins, “Dear Gaye, please read this carefully; it is written for you.” I love it when the phrases that follow that introduction remind me about God’s love for me. About His mercy and grace. His faithfulness. My heart is encouraged, and I breathe easier. I have the habit of brushing that page in The Good Book with my hand as I smile and think about those blessed promises in the beautiful words. And… There are times when the statement that begins, “Dear Continue Reading
My Teen Idols
Their pictures lined the wall of the narrow hallway with the blue carpet which led to the bathroom with the blue floral wallpaper. Images of cute, young heartthrobs, their pictures carefully cut out of teen magazines and taped onto colored construction paper which posed as frames. A shrine to those we puppy love crushed on. Bobby Sherman. Davy Jones. B. J. Thomas. David Cassidy. And the big one – Donny Osmond. {For those of you who have no idea who I’m referring to, think Justin Bieber heartthrob level without the cocky attitude Continue Reading
Stop the Struggles and Sinking
Our weekend sailing trip started with blue skies, white fluffy clouds, and a whole lot of sunshine. Nothing signaled that a storm was just around the bend. Until it hit. I thought the low-hanging black clouds would reach down and wrap us in darkness. The wind tipped our sailboat onto its side. The icy rain came at us sideways; it felt like shards of glass on our faces. Once we got the sails down, the captain yelled, “Just hang on!” You can bet we did. I’ve never been in a storm on the water like that since. (Actually, I’ve never Continue Reading
Checking My Heart
It was one of those mornings. My intentions were good, the desire was there, I was ready. Ready to study, consider, pray, prepare. Ready to talk to God about my joys and my messiness, share my gratitude and listen for direction. And yet, the distractions came like the thunder shouts outside. I heard mom in the other room and I got up to check on her. Then I got cold and wanted a blanket on my lap. Then I got too hot and had to crack open the window. Then I worried that the rain would dampen the sill. Then I remembered something to Continue Reading
Life is Good
Today...whatever comes my way... In the joy...God leaps and high-fives and brings the balloons. In the tears...He brings the Kleenex. In the sadness...He sits on the floor next to me and holds my hand. Life is not good because of the circumstances. Life is good because He is with me. We were never promised a life that didn't have the tough times. God never told us to expect lollipops, sunshine, and rainbows every single moment. He told us to expect Himself. To expect Him to show up and understand and care. That is Continue Reading
Living and Working Together
A little buzz of irritation showed up in the neighborhood last summer. The issue was lawncare. Good grief. Last spring a new family moved into the neighborhood, a couple blocks down the street from us. The yard was quickly filled with tricycles, kick balls, trucks, forgotten jackets, juice bottles, and a kiddie pool - a fun place for toddlers and little kids wanting to play outside. When I'd walk around the neighborhood in the evenings, I'd sometimes see a very tired mama mowing the lawn, navigating the play yard. The flowerbeds Continue Reading
Reset for a Better Day
Ok. Let's review. (She says to herself first.) Here are phrases that do not show up in The Good Book. These words were never said by The Great Promise Keeper... You've got a big load of stuff to do today. Good luck with that. Sure wish today was over. It just keeps getting worse. You always mess up. Can't you just get your act together? You've been struggling with that situation for years. It's not going to change. It's never going to end, you know. Bad stuff happens. This is just a really bad day. And you haven't even gotten Continue Reading
Learning Who to Trust
Why do I think I have to do everything? By myself? With only a glance at what it might cost me? “I can do this…I can do this…I can do this…” And then I crumble. Because I can’t. I’ve been trying to look at how I work and live from an outsider’s perspective. How I strive to do everything I think is expected of me…on my own…without asking for guidance or help. Because…hmmmm… Because why? Why do I place so much importance on being self-sufficient? Strong. Capable. Why is it hard to ask for help? Why do I forget that God has Continue Reading