So then this happened.
I had just finished my workout at the Y last week Tuesday. I called my sister from the lobby, and that’s the last normal thing I remember for a while.
When I went into the locker room to get my gym bag, the room seemed to be tilted on its side. The lockers looked like they were toppling over. I couldn’t figure out where I was or what I was trying to do. But I recognized the locker number I usually stick my stuff in…and then I don’t remember what happened next.
Piecing this crazy half-hour together with Steve, we figured this out…
I called him from the lobby. And in between sobs I said, I’m so confused. Something is wrong. Steve told me to stay where I was and he’d come and get me. My cell phone tells me that I tried calling him seven more times after that.
I don’t remember any of this.
The next thing that I do remember is seeing his car drive into the Y’s parking lot, and then he was walking towards me. And I was a mess. I just couldn’t get my bearings and I didn’t know what was going on. I couldn’t remember if I’d worked out or what I was supposed to be doing. And then I slowly started to “wake up” as I’m calling it.
A bit scary.
A trip to the emergency room with a blood pressure that was through the roof, an MRI, an EKG, and a whole bunch of blood tests determined that I had an episode of transient global amnesia. Who knew there was such a thing! During that time, my brain was incapable of creating short term memories. And the serious confusion and stress that resulted from that kicked my blood pressure up. (All the tests came back fine – except this blood pressure issue.)
An overnight stay in the hospital made it possible to keep tabs on my blood pressure and to watch for another amnesia episode.
My world is back in place now. But there are several things I’m processing about life last week. Mortality. Life is short and it can change in a heartbeat. What my mom must feel like when she has a confusing moment.
But the thoughts and emotions that are pressing most on my soul is the fact that I lost that time. I cannot remember it and I probably won’t. It’s a short period of time, I know. But really. To lose control of your ability to miss what’s going on around you? Ooftah.
It makes me consider…
How much time am I missing every day by just being unaware by choice? Preoccupation with to-do lists. Too many Gotta’ get that done moments. Focusing on the minor. Not just missing out on the little things in life…but missing out on the big things too.
I’m feeling just great now. No lasting effects on my brain or memory and my blood pressure is great.
I want this summer to be different. I want to notice the big things and the small things. I want to play more. Set better priorities. Spend more time with My Hero Steve. Laugh a lot.
I don’t want to lose another Tuesday.