During the last few weeks, memories from two specific seasons have rented rooms in my brain.
It’s been one year since my pancreas got really angry and I spent a few days in the hospital trying to figure out what ticked it off. This memory has decorated its rented room with posters that say, “If only I had …” When I walk through that room, I get frustrated with myself.
The other rented room in my brain looks different. The room is smaller, and handwritten notes are placed around it. The renter is the memory bank of the 7-year season that my sisters and I took care of mom 24/7. Working full-time and caregiving is at the very least, a balancing act. I didn’t always show up the way I wish I had shown up. “I wish I had …” is the first line written on every one of those notecards.
Both of these seasons could easily bring regrets.
We’ve all experienced moments where we wish we would have made different choices. Perhaps you’ve whispered these words to yourself:
If only I had taken better care of myself. If only I had exercised more. If only I hadn’t stressed out so much. If this sounds familiar, we can do better now because we know better. We can take responsibility for our choices and change the days ahead. It’s not too difficult for me to kick these thoughts and potential regrets to the curb and tell this resident that their lease is up.
However. The potential regret that is carried from my caregiving season is a little tougher. Oh, it was such a sacred and challenging time. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. And I made mistakes – in how I spent my time, expressed frustration, and coped with simple weariness. I wish I would have shut down my consulting business earlier. I wish I would have been more patient. I wish I would have just held her hand and never let go.
Yes. It would be so easy to look back with regrets.
But. This is what I’ve learned. And this is my encouragement for you:
Allowing regrets and “I wish I had…” messages swirl through our minds is not healthy. And God certainly does not want us to rent rooms to a renter named Regret.
Some of our regrets require forgiveness. For ourselves, and for others.
Other regrets require us to stop focusing on the fact that we messed up. We live imperfect lives. If that wasn’t true, there would be no need for forgiveness. Or grace. Or mercy. And God offers those gifts every single moment because He knows we need them.
When we focus on our hurts from long ago, or cling to the mistakes we’ve made, we are ignoring the fact that Jesus came to give us a full life. That He is a forgiving God. That He wants peace for us.
What are your regrets? The words you wish you wouldn’t have said. Decisions you wish you could change. Moments you’d like to erase.
Dear friend, stop blaming and shaming yourself. Give those hurts and that sadness to the God who understands. Let Him replace those regrets with peace and joy and comfort. Show yourself GRACE and MERCY.
God forgives. He restores. As it says in Hebrews 12:1 …
“Throw off everything that hinders [like regrets] and the sin that so easily entangles, and we run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”
You may never forget those moments and sins that messed you up, but you don’t need to allow your mistakes or “If only I had…” memories from long ago, or last month, or yesterday, keep you from living in the freedom God offers you.
Two songs come to mind as I write this. Frank Sinatra singing “Regrets, I’ve had a few” and Elsa singing “Let It Go.” But neither one seems appropriate.
So, let’s go with these words. They bring more HOPE and PROMISES. They’re some of the same verses I shared last week:
“Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things he does for me. He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases. He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies. He fills my life with good things. My youth is renewed like the eagle’s!” (Psalm 103:2-5)
Let go of the stuff that’s messing with your heart and your memories.
Show yourself Grace. Mercy.
Take Jesus up on His offer to give you a 100% full experience of life with Him: peace, forgiveness, blessings, protection, and joy. (John 10:10)
