What a treat! Beth Kothe is a guest blogger today. She is also a contributing author to “God, Girlfriends, & Chocolate.”
I have a strange confession to make. I am jealous of Moses. You know, Mr. “Let My People Go,” Pharaoh-intimidating plagues, 10 commandments, etc.
Why am I jealous of a guy who’s been dead for over 4,000 years? Because he talked with God directly. God told Moses in great detail how to do what He had put him on earth to do: get the Israelites out of Egypt, establish their new culture and holy days, build the Tabernacle and lead them into the Promised Land. Once they were out of Egypt, Moses spent 40 days and 40 nights talking with God not once, but twice. Old Noah got 40 days and 40 nights on a big boat with lots of pairs of smelly animals. Moses talked with God mano-a-Yahweh.
I have had one Moses-like experience in my life. It occurred at the darkest time of my life to date, during my divorce. If you have ever experienced a personal crisis, you may have found like I did that some people support you while others reject you. My pastor at the time fell into the latter category. He had been pushing me strongly not to get divorced. I understood where he was coming from–getting divorced wasn’t something that I had included on my list of things to do when I planned out my life at 18. (I’m serious. I still have that list. Beware of such a list. You may complete it and find out it’s not all that and a bag of chips.) When I told him in a phone call that I had made my decision, he replied that he could no longer be my pastor, commended my soul to God and hung up on me. That moment is the closest I have ever come to hyperventilating, aside from the time I fell off the monkey bars in grade school. Then I heard a voice–and I was alone in a very small file room at work. The voice said, “I will never leave you. Do not give up on Me because I will not give up on you.” In an instant my feelings of confusion and fear changed to feelings of clarity and conviction. In the following months those words helped me keep breathing and putting one foot in front of the other as my new life took shape.
Fast-forward to today and I so wish I could hear again from God that clearly. I am at a crossroads in my life. A year ago, I left my employer of over 20 years to help my son adjust to single parenthood and my daughter enjoy her last year of high school. Now I will be an empty-nester in two weeks. I have energy to pour into something new and the clock is ticking. I’m not getting any younger. So what is next?
For the first time in my life I don’t have a plan and, also for the first time in my life, I am persuaded that I want God’s plan for my life rather than one of my own design. That is a new thing for this oldest child, Type A, control-freak, what’s-next on-my-list woman. It feels good to release the need to have all the answers except for one thing: I don’t have ANY answers!!!
Hello, God, it’s me, Beth. I’ve periodically made a mess of my life and You have been grace-full enough to make things right. I’ve decided to try something new. How about You direct my life and I follow along instead of telling You what I want? I figure that way we’ll save the usual cleanup time. I know You have plans for me (Jeremiah 29:11) and I’d love to hear all about them. If You aren’t ready to roll out all the details like you did for our man Moses, could You please give me a hint? We both know that I’m bad at the whole “be still” thing (Psalm 46:10) but I finally get the important part: You are God and I am not. I’ve let go of a lot in the last year to get ready for a fresh start. I hope you agree. What do You say?
About Beth: Beth Kothe has learned life lessons the hard way. She seeks to understand, loves deeply and enjoys working hard to make a difference in this world. After 20 years in the corporate world, she stepped off th carousel to focus on Jesus and her family.